Facing our fears

As a coach, I actively encourage my clients to turn around and face their demons head on. I do the same with my horses, and my horse clients.

About ten years ago, when Jack was in the New Forest, he escaped out of his field and chased down the hunt. He was found twelve hours later - twenty miles away! After that he became pschotic about the hunt. When we first moved to the Cotswolds, six years ago, I was disappointed to discover that the local hunt came through our fields, and often met on the farm! My worst nightmare had just been realised.

So, I initially shut him in the stable. This wasn't such a great idea! Then I shut him in a small paddock attached to his field, which was better. But he still used to sweat badly and run about like a lunatic. Although I took fairly pro-active steps, like leading him to watch the hunt, I still fretted over his reactons. He would literally drip with sweat, as I don't clip him in the winter due to the fact that he feels the cold more now he is so much older.

This year, my field has lots of electric fencing. Danny, the laminitic, has been out for 24/7 for three months now, but is on restricted grazing. The farmers wife was kind enough to say that the hunt wouldn't come through my field, so I left them all out for the last two saturdays.

Every Saturday morning I do a 30+ bike ride with Cheltenham Cycle club, so I was out when the hunt arrived. When I got home, my neighbour told me that my horses had taken no notice. Jack was interested, spanning the horizon, but cool and calm and had not sweated at all. The fact that he could watch the hunt gallop across the fields below was exciting for him but, uncontained, he simply stood and watched.

Danny was fearful of everything when he arrived. I spent twelve months exposing him to each fear he had until he became laid back about pretty much everything.

If your horse has a fear, don't run away from it, deal with it. In a safe environment begin to gently expose [not all out flooding] your horse to his fear. It will greatly develop his self confidence and self esteem, encouraging him to try new things. Many of my clients adopt this way and have seen huge changes in their horses.

It's been a while

What a year it has been. Most of you know that I lost my dad to cancer in June this year, had a horse go down with severe laminitis two days prior to his death, brought on by Cushing's, and folded a business partnership. All in the space of a few days!

Well, My dad is still dead, the horse has fully recovered and is now on a daily detox and vitus agnus castus for his Cushings, and the partnership has been tidied up and put away. But it's been tough, and I can honestly say that it has taken me almost six months to recover from the energy drain of it all.

I accept death as a natural transition from life, and intellectually feel pretty okay about it. But deep down on a cellular level, is it possible to walk away without scars? No, like any wound there has to be time to heal.

Today I leapt out into the world, by attending a women's speedworking network event. It was a lot of fun and I met some great women that I felt inspired by. I was promoting the Equine Assisted Coaching business, and in particular the help for cancer project.

Horses are amazing in this work, and for women that have lost their power, self esteem and confidence there is no being better equipped to help. Horses kick start us back to a place of power, and certainty of who we really are. Watching the horses, one has to wonder if this really is their purpose.

I have always stated my belief that horses were sent to help us grow spiritually. My own horses sometimes drive me nuts. Jack, my 27 year old horse acts like a cross between Victor Meldrew & Bambi. He can wind me up and make me happy, sometimes in the breath of the same second!

Danny is an oddball. This year he has mirrored my determination to succeed against the odds, when I helped him to recover from lamintis, a feat that no one believed I could achieve, not even the vet!

Toady? Well Toady has often come close to being shipped off to the Blue Cross! He is a grumpy little chap, but I respect that for most part he mirrors my inner world. I felt violently angry over my dad's pretty much pointless and unecessary death - if he, and his partner, had done things differently he could have extended his life and had good quality of life.

I still feel a smidgen of anger when I think about it. Supressing it is wrong, so I don't try. It gets a little less each day, but meantime I have to put up with Toady showing me what my anger looks like on the inside. Yay! Great!

Horses teach us so much about ourselves, if we are prepared to accept that it doesn't always look pretty. If your horse is displaying some sort of behioural problem right now, ask yourself what is going on in your life, and then check back with him for feedback.

What is healing?

During my journey as a horse healer, I have experienced many changes. It is fair to say that my horses, and the horses I visit, have taught me the most.

A couple of years ago Merlin taught me that healing does not have to be 'hands on'. Recently a few more horses have taught me that what we think of as 'healing' often bears no resemblance to what we believe 'healing' is, and I have at last accepted that.

We can heal our horses with our thoughts, by just being with them, brushing them, understanding them, being fair, letting them have the benefit of the doubt, letting them 'get away with' one or two things and most of all by letting them be who they are.

I don't give traditional healing to my horses any longer. The whole process has become seamless, it's no big deal and it's wonderful.

This is good news for Jack. He is 26 now and still sprightly and fit. He sometimes stands next to me, looks at me, takes a big sigh and we both stand side by side looking out at the glorious view from their field. It is a quiet companiable exchange of energy, sometimes I wonder who is healing who! After 10 - 20 minutes he yawns, sighs and walks off. He makes his own choices these days and that in itself is a great healing process for a horse.

Being rather than doing!
Simply by thinking good or loving thoughts towards your horse can be enough to make a difference. Energy has a way of transferring with an intelligence of its own. Take that thought away with you today and you can significantly impact your relationship with your own horse.

Loss of an animal

I have lost two animals in the last six months. My 11 year old whippet started having seizures and it turned out her liver was packing up, and my gorgeous little ferret, Squidgy, went in to the vets to have a bad tooth removed and collapsed and died whilst waiting in the vets holding pens. Tragic yes indeed, but that's life and we cannot do anything to stop these sorts of things happening.

As a teenager, I recall a woman who had an elderly German shepherd that had completely gone off it's back legs. It dragged itself about and had to be lifted up with a towel for it to go to the toilet. At seventeen I believed that it was wrong, and now, over 30 years later I still feel the same. I know that animals don't want to live like this.

When I had a breakdown in 1995 it was the end of an era, and it wasn't all about losing my dog. I was hysterical with grief, and I know that for some people this is how they react when they lose an animal. But we have to learn from death, and the most important thing to learn is when to let our animals go, with dignity and in little or no pain. Death is part of life and all we can do is to make sure we give our animals the best life possible when they are with us.

I had the chance to spend a whole day with Minnie - my whippet - before the vet came to my home to put her to sleep. All day she kept asking me if it was time. She hadn't been upstairs for a while, and her habit was always to push back the covers and curl up into my tummy. That morning she scrambled up the stairs and got into bed with me. She knew, and she was ready. Her death was quiet and dignified and although I grieved, I knew that I had done the right thing for her.

When we grieve, we grieve for our loss. The animal's soul has already moved on and is 'living' in some other dimension, active and young and happy again. Several experiences I have had have convinced of this.

The way to help our grief is to do right by our animals - whilst they are alive!. Spend quality time with them. I walk my dogs 15 - 25 miles a week. I do this because walking is a primal need for dogs, and they love it, it helps us bond and is natural stress burner for dogs - and for me. I am amazed how many people think that because they have a big garden the dog will be happy with that as its exercise. That simply isn't so.

All dogs love the excitement of going somewhere different and just running about chasing a ball, with tongues hanging out and rolling in disgusting smelly animal dung if they get the chance! When Minnie died I knew that I had given her as much as I could. So my grief has been healthy and normal. A few weeks before she became ill, a new dog crept into our lives and helped to bridge the gap for my other old dog, Cassie.

When you lose an animal find someone that is empathic and talk it through, but the best thing that you can do is to give your animals the best life possible whilst they are with you.

Emotional Intelligence

Do you watch the soaps? Something like Eastenders, Coronation Street or Emmerdale? The underlying similarities with all of these soaps is the drama. Characters overeact emotionally, shouting at each other, refusing to hear the other persons point of view, failing to consider consequences and often completely misconstruing communication.

What has this got to do with horses?
In my experience, this knowledge goes a long way to understanding why you might be struggling to build a mutually respectful relationship with your horse. Being emotionally intelligent basically means that you have full awareness, and therefore control, of your emotions, and can make rational choices as to how you react.

Our relationship with our horse is not that different to the child/adult interaction. The horse is what he is, with his inherant behaviours and those behaviours creating by human handling and management.

The horse is not self actuallizing, so cannot make a decision that he will stop 'winding you up'. Any changes that happen to him are ubdisputedly created by external stimuli - that's you and your behaviour, and/or the people that handle/ride him.

Example
My friend was telling me a story of a mare at her yard. Apparently when the mare comes into season she winds the whole herd up, charging round the field, bucking kicking and generally making a hooly. Other people were getting upset by this. They couldn't catch their horses or they would be to wound up to ride.

But my 'emotionally intelligent' friend decided that she would not buy into the behaviour of the herd. She walks into the field, calmly and without reaction to whatever happens. She waits for the right moment, and then calmly catches her horse. As she leads him down the field she remains calm as he bounces and huffs beside her. 'I am not buying into your emotion mate', she tells him. And, within a short space of time, he recognises her leadership and focuses on her.

It's not what happens to you that counts - it is how you deal with it

This is exactly what I am talking about. Remaining unaffected by whatever happens is the secret to success with horses. They cannot not respond to this natural leadership - not always immediately, but if you stick with it you will see results.

'You' have to change!
Screaming, shouting, crying, becoming frustrated, intolerant or angry has no place in our relationship with our horses. I have seen for myself - time after time - that when an owner starts to change the horse follows.

The bonus of developing emotional intelligence is that it naturally overlaps into your personal life, where you will find that your human relationships will improve.